


Darkness Deep Within

by OrphisTheDragon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Corona fic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I wrote this for one of my english classes, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, It Gets Better, M/M, Marauders, Mental Health Issues, Quarantine, References to Depression, light fluff, pls tell me if I need to add more tags, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:07:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29225973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrphisTheDragon/pseuds/OrphisTheDragon
Summary: “... it's still selfish... you're the one with a reason to be sad. I don't even have one...,” Sirius grabbed one of Remus' hands and held it against his cheek, Remus let him.“This relationship goes both ways, you know? I know that when I'm sad you will be there and hold me,“ Remus stared into the gray abyss of Sirius' eyes, “and one day, I hope, you will believe me when I say that you're worth being held by someone.”-------Sirius can't handle the quarantine and Remus is there for him.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans (mentioned), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 27





	Darkness Deep Within

Darkness was no longer a rarity in Sirius' room in times like this. He didn't care if the blinds were shut and couldn't find the strength needed to change anything. Strength... yes, in these times it was harder to find the strength than it was then.  
All that happened because of that stupid virus.  
  
Sirius never had high expectations, his family was the cause that he always expected the worst of the worst, but it seemed like that specific behavior had changed.  
Sirius had plans, hopes and ideas for this year. He had painted the perfect picture without wanting to.  
  
Being the best man for his best mate's wedding was one part of the plan, dancing later with his boyfriend to a silly romantic song and crying how he was so proud of James to have finally married the woman he loved where part of the first part.  
Of course, Sirius also imagined for an unknown reason that either he or his boyfriend would catch the bouquet, he never told anyone that detail. Nobody knew that deep inside Sirius was a hopeless romantic.  
  
Working as a mechanic was another part of his plan. So that when he finally got the money he needed he would buy a motorcycle, and he would have the skills to repair it himself or to tune it if he felt like it needed to be.  
  
But he wasn't allowed to leave this house for work because his boyfriend was at more risk than he was and neither he nor Sirius had a way to not live together, not that they would ever want to, they decided to be in self isolation together.

* * *

A good decision, Remus recognized, as he slowly opened the door to their room, so he could bring his boyfriend breakfast.  
  
Sirius seemed to be the definition of an extrovert person and it showed that this situation right now, wasn't good for him.  
The mop of black, unruly hair, the only thing from Sirius to be seen from the pile of blankets he had hidden in.  
  
Remus put down the breakfast and opened the blinds so the light of the midday's sun would shine through. Despite the number of blankets around him there was whining out of the nest to be heard.  
The younger man said, “You can't stay in bed all day, Sirius. It's not good for you,” his fingers dug into his palms out of worry for his boyfriend.  
  
It made Sirius feel even more horrible to hear that his behavior worried his boyfriend, and made him feel selfish because he was supposed to be the good boyfriend, who doted on the other. Remus was the one at risk and somehow Sirius had managed to turn this situation around so he'd be the victim.  
Maybe his mother was right about that, that he was worthless, selfish and destroyed everything too close around him.  
The darkness tried to have him firmly in its grip.  
  
“Sorry...”, Sirius murmured as Remus sat beside him on the bed and Remus took one of his hands to stroke through the mess that was his boyfriends' hair, ”shouldn't be so selfish...”  
  
“It's not your fault. It would worry me more if you weren't affected by this,” Remus' tone was calming as he continued to brush steadily through the hair, “Lily told me over the phone that James was in a similar state.”  
  
It was no secret that Sirius and James, who were brothers in everything but blood, were the ones, who needed social contacts the most, and now the situation was threatening to swallow them in darkness.  
  
Sirius pushed one of the blankets away from his face and Remus showed him a tiny smile.  
“Ah, there's the man I love.”  
  
“... it's still selfish... you're the one with a reason to be sad. I don't even have one...,” Sirius grabbed one of Remus' hands and held it against his cheek, Remus let him.  
  
“This relationship goes both ways, you know? I know that when I'm sad you will be there and hold me,“ Remus stared into the gray abyss of Sirius' eyes, “and one day, I hope, you will believe me when I say that you're worth being held by someone.”  
  
“Love you, Rem,” Sirius murmured.  
  
“And I love you too, little star,” Sirius giggled at the nickname his boyfriend has given him, “now first we have breakfast and then we'll see what the day will bring us, alright?”  
  
“Alright”  
  
It's not much but every little step counted to escape the darkness.  
It doesn't matter how dark the world was, Sirius could always count on his boyfriend to light it up a little bit more every day.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this last year in May for English class and probably was the first thing I did since quarantine started. I found this again and decided to show it to y'all. My little vent fic.  
> I hope you liked it and pls leave kudos and reviews if you did.   
> Of course critics are also welcome.


End file.
